PSA: life is hard

PSA: Life is hard. You don’t have to have it all together.

Being a mom is hard. Hell, being human is hard! It’s wonderful and amazing but it’s hard. Sometimes you just need to take a break and take care of you.

I always used to think I had to have it all together.

That I couldn’t ask for help or take time for me. I needed to be everything for everyone else and I always had to have a long list of accomplishments for each day. And you know what, it wasn’t just hard. It was exhausting and self-sacrificing in a bad way. People took advantage of my need to please and I was easily manipulated.

My body was tired, my mind was tired, my very soul was tired. That may sound dramatic to some, but it was my reality.  I was so terrified that if I wasn’t perfect, I wouldn’t be loved. I was scared that I wouldn’t be enough and ultimately, that I’d end up alone. Then I went through some pretty dark shit, had a complete and total breakdown, and realized that I needed a whole lot to change.

You see, I ended up going to therapy after I was diagnosed with PTSD. Three different therapists with different specialties (talk therapy, hypnotherapy and emdr Therapy).  While the original purpose was to help me heal, all three also worked on helping me to be a stronger person who, get this, loved myself. They helped me to realize that in all of my efforts to get other people to love me, I never loved myself. Isn’t that crazy? When I started to love myself- to value myself- everything changed. I realized that the people who would be mad at me for not being perfect were not my people. And so I set some boundaries.

I still have days where I’m tired. Where I’m depressed. Where I feel like I need a break.

Burnout is real and no one is immune.

If you don’t take the time to take care of yourself, you will most definitely start to hate your life or your passions or both. So I beg you, take a break. Take a moment for you. Instead of spending your kid’s naptime doing the laundry and the dishes and other chores, make yourself a nice hot cup of tea and sit in front of the tv or maybe take a nap yourself!

Your worth and your productivity are two separate things.

Even if you don’t get everything done today, you are still a strong person. You still have value. Tomorrow’s another day. And you’ll have value tomorrow too!

I want you to do something just for you. Take a minute- take twenty. Take more! Seriously. Do something that isn’t going to benefit anyone else.  Read a book, paint a picture, watch a crappy movie. Give yourself a break.

Today I had a hard day. I woke up sore and spent most of the morning still feeling tired. Emily is super into climbing lately and therefore keeps falling and now has a big bruise on the side of her face which makes me feel like a horrible mom every time I see it. There was a massive blowout diaper to take care of, I cut my hand and my mind kept wandering back to the trauma that I went through a few years back. At first, I was angry at myself but then I remembered that I’m allowed to have a bad day. And so after my husband finished work, I told him I needed some time. He gave me a hug and then took Emily into the playroom. I sat down with a snack, some hot tea, and I watched a half hour of tv. Then I went back to my family. We just put Emily to bed and while part of me wants to go right into my studio and get to work, I’m going to pour myself a glass of wine and take a hot bath instead.

Because you know what? I deserve it.

(and you do too.)

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