My healing journey has involved a lot of self-discovery and personal growth. Learning to decondition has been a crucial factor towards this. I was inspired while learning about human design to look further into how I was conditioned throughout my life on the ‘right way’ to think, behave and feel. Pretty quickly, I realized that I had to decondition in order break free from people-pleasing behaviors, perfectionism, martyrdom, and other learned conditions that shaped my personality. If you’re reading this, you might need to decondition too.
What do I mean by decondition?
Deconditioning refers to the process of unlearning the influences that have shaped our beliefs, behaviors, and identities. Basically, it involves questioning the assumptions and expectations we have internalized throughout our lives. By challenging these conditioning factors and the way that we were taught to ‘be’, we get the opportunity to create a new life that is all our own. To be ourselves rather than who others want us to be.
Why do we need to stop people-pleasing behaviors?
As I’ve mentioned before on this blog, many of us have been conditioned to prioritize the needs and expectations of others over ourselves. A lot of the time, this people-pleasing behavior comes from a need to be liked. We’re either driven by our desires for acceptance and validation or by a fear of rejection. However, constantly putting others first can lead to us losing our sense of self. We forget who we are and often end up neglecting ourselves. Taking the time to decondition from these behaviors can allow us to set healthy boundaries, nurture self-worth, and prioritize our own well-being.
Stop trying to be perfect!
So often, perfectionism is made out to be the goal, however, it shouldn’t be. Trying to be perfect can be exhausting and lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and burnout; also, it’s literally impossible. Taking the time to decondition from being a perfectionist means embracing imperfections, reframing failure as an opportunity to learn, and practicing self-compassion. By letting go of these impossible standards, we can instead be creative and innovative and more authentic.
We don’t need to be martyrs.
Growing up, many of us may have witnessed or experienced the martyrdom mindset from our caregivers and role models. We were taught to do for others, to be good and to go above and beyond. Rather than being taught to prioritize ourselves, we were praised for self-sacrifice and putting others first. But here’s the thing: constantly playing the role of a martyr is draining and unhealthy. It leads to burnout and overwhelm, stress and sometimes even illness. To decondition from this, we need to start putting ourselves first. We have to recognize the importance of self-care, setting boundaries, and fostering healthy relationships based on reciprocity and mutual support.
It’s time to THRIVE!
It isn’t easy to decondition. It takes a lot of work and a lot of time- I’m years into my healing journey and still working on it. But already I’ve seen some of the rewards and they are definitely worth it. By shedding who we were told we had to be, we’re able to embrace our true and authentic selves. We get to explore our passions and follow our own values and dreams. We get to own our power and make our own choices, ultimately leading to more fulfillment than would ever be possible by following the path someone else laid out for us.
This world can keep you weak and submissive if you let it. You can blend in with everyone else and always go with the flow, denying yourself again and again. Or, you can decondition from everything that was forced upon you and step into your true self. Discover who you really are by freeing yourself from people-pleasing behaviors, perfectionism, martyrdom, and other learned conditions. Embark on a path of self-discovery and personal growth so that you can thrive and embrace your true self. You deserve to be seen and heard and loved for who you really are, rather than forcing yourself into a mold of who you think you’re supposed to be.
Do you need to decondition?
If this sounds like something you’d like to dive further into but would like some guidance along the way, check out my Rise and Thrive Coaching packages. I’d be honored to hold space for you, help you to brainstorm and share some additional tips and guidance to help you to empower yourself and step into your true power.
I also have a lot of visual reminders in my etsy shop if those would help you to remember that you deserve to be a priority in your own life.
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